Sitting In a Circle With Men
Since 2014, I’ve been part of an organisation for me,n and for most of that time, under the umbrella of the organisation, I’ve been a member of a small men’s group. The intent of the organisation is to bring men together so they can have meaningful conversations, learn tools for better communication, improve relationships and self-worth, and much more.
The ethos is simple: “men supporting men”!
Whenever we gather, we sit in a circle, and this sitting in a circle holds great value for me. Yesterday I felt inspired to express how I feel about this, and I wrote the following:
I love sitting in circle with men…
it warms my heart, it grounds me and I get clearer perspective, I learn, I grow, I have the opportunity to share my experiences and be heard, I can serve and give back to a community which has given to me, I can model how to behave and communicate better, I can be called out when I don’t do it so well (and yet not feel judged or diminished), I am inspired by good men who have been doing “mens work” far longer than me, I am encouraged to be a better man and acknowledged for the good man that I am, I can look back and recognise my own growth, whilst concurrently witnessing other men growing and enhancing their own lives……
I love sitting in circle with men…
because what I get out of it is not just for a few hours a week or fortnight, it is something that slowly shifts my old patterns of poor behaviour to healthy patterns, that my awareness gently expands and I learn to observe my own actions and reactions and the impact they have on others, because I understand that if I am responsible for myself then I am being responsible to others, the change occurs whilst I’m not looking or paying attention because I am paying attention, at times I think that the change happens by stealth, my life improves and the ripples go out and I positively affect others, and I get recognition, I get appreciation, I get validation, I get to explore and understand, I get to be open and honest, I am trusted, I am valued, I am …..
I love sitting in circle with men
because it’s not just me it is the other men in the circle, it’s being able to listen to them and their experiences, to hear about their journeys, their challenges, their wins, their progress and their slip-backs, this is real life, to be present for them, to support them whether it’s the one time I sit in circle with a man or if a man is a member of my regular men’s group, genuine men who share their lives so authentically giving me permission to share mine, they share their insights and personal lessons allowing me to learn from them as well, they share their education and knowledge of books read, videos watched, audios listened to, workshops attend and wise words passed on from others, these men contribute to me, to my learning and my growing….
I love sitting in circle with men
I love the sacredness of sitting in circle, the reverence and respect generated, the rituals and shamanic influences, the truths spoken, the heartfelt and often deep rawness and vulnerability of expression, the strength and safety provided by the circle of men – all of them powerful solid beings, the confidentiality, the love and respect to others, the honest allowing of being triggered and pissed-off at another man’s views and perceptions – that all feelings are ok, that we don’t have to agree to hold space for someone, the acknowledging that we are all unique, the compassion I feel towards others, the compassion others offer me, the bonds and connections formed, the acceptance of letting a man go through his own experience and to let go of my feeling a need to fix or rescue him, appreciating the power of silence….
I love sitting in circle with men
to observe that I have greater awareness and behave differently, that others react more positively towards me, that I have something to give others beyond the circle, that other men are positively affecting the important people in their lives – the wives and girlfriends, the husbands and boyfriends, the sons and daughters, the fathers and mothers, the step-children and step-parents, the lovers, the exes, the employers and colleagues and employees, the clients and suppliers, the shop assistants and Uber drivers, the fellow commuters, the annoying neighbours, the perpetrators, the victims, the needy, the greedy, the loving, the giving – the people we see and the ones we don’t – I will never know how many people are affected, how many relationships are improved, how many fights are avoided, how much stress is reduced, how much health is improved – and I don’t need to know the details, I just have comfort knowing that good is happening and rippling out because men are sitting in circle, I can value men in circle even more, I can value those important people in my life even more, I can value myself even more, I can value you the person reading this even more ….
I love sitting in circle with men – because …..
